Every now and then I like to go back and read older posts that I’ve done. It’s kind of my way of reflecting on my growth as a writer. So I’ve decided that every so often, I’ll post one of my older works, that some of my newer readers may have never had the chance to check out. I wrote this piece a few months back for Kingsrowe.com. If you’ve read it, thank you. If not, enjoy Privacy vs. Secrecy
“The older I get the more I begin to understand and appreciate the importance of privacy in a relationship… However, privacy is never to be confused with secrecy. There is a huge difference” – Me
Privacy (noun) – 1. The state or condition of being free from being observed or disturbed by other people.
2. The state of being free from public attention.
Secrecy (noun) – The action of keeping something secret or the state of being kept secret.
As you can see, the two words above are fairly different in meaning. That difference carries right over into “relationships”. At least it should. But does it?
Nowadays, everything is a spectacle due to the fact that most people simply don’t have lives. Therefore, I feel like privacy is essential to maintain a healthy relationship. However, I didn’t always feel this way. There was a point in time where I was ‘Mr. Write My Girl’s Name In The Sky’. I would tweet and twitpic damn near every move my significant other and I would make. Long story short, if she was mine, I wanted the whole world to know it. And there is NOTHING wrong with that; Until your relationship becomes the newest reality show and you two are the main characters. I know this all too well, as I was once in a VERY ‘high profile’ relationship. Although it lasted only a few months, I dealt with ALL TYPES of craziness. Being that she was in high demand, I dealt with guys (who I thought were my ‘friends’) throwing dirt on my name in hopes of winning her over. I also became a target of affection for chicks who didn’t like her due to all the attention she got from guys that they wanted. Yea, I know. By deciding to be as public as we were, we kind of invited everything that happened, which is why the whole ordeal served as a learning experience. I learned that people don’t need to know everything. Just the essentials. As far as the rest? Keep it to yourself and keep them guessing for the sake of keeping what’s yours (meaning you and your significant other) yours.
Now let’s talk about secrecy…
There is absolutely NO place for secrecy in a relationship. Often times people try to pass secrecy off as privacy and although it should be pretty clear when this is happening, a lot of people don’t even notice. Are you getting ignored on social networking sites? It’s probably because you’re a secret. The only time you see each other is to “chill” at one of your cribs? Secret. Family and friends (especially of the opposite sex) don’t know about you? Yep. You’re most likely a ______ (hint: rhymes with schmecret). At this point, you’re probably asking ‘Him’ or ‘Her’ if what I’m saying is true. And I’m sure ‘He’ or ‘She’ will say “No. Chewy don’t know what he’s talkin’ about. I do those things because I don’t want people in our business”. C’mon! We’re not famous! Therefore, none of us are THAT important. Therefore, there ain’t THAT much business in the world! Most likely you’re being kept a secret for a good reason. Hell, you’re probably being kept a secret from another secret! It can get deep. But, back to what I said earlier. It’s about the essentials and nothing more. If they can’t even spill the essential info about you when given an opportunity, then you might want to revaluate that whole situation. Unless of course you’re one of those ‘I’ll settle for being whatever. It’s better than being alone’ types. That’s a-whole-nother discussion though.
At the end of the day…
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting privacy when it comes to you and your significant other. The bond you share with that person should be just that: With. That. Person. Not the whole world, who will at times try to make you feel obligated to tell all your business. I’ve learned that in actuality, they just want to keep tabs on you and your situation. Be as discreet as possible. But never so much so that you’re damn near in denial about who you’re with. If celebrities can pull this off, then so can our extra regular asses. Plus, we’re adults right?